The Envy Corps blasts about the idling and air circulation system. If an observer guessed I am trying to drown my emotions out of my mind, they would be correct. There is nothing more English-speaking, United States, Midwest, Iowa, Ames, home, than the Envy Corps.
As the plane took off from San Jose, Costa Rica this spring, I looked out the window and inexplicably and uncomfortably found myself overwhelmed with emotion. What exactly I was feeling I was unsure. I am still unsure, but I have a better idea now. I knew this moment would arrive and reoccur in Peru. As I boarded the bus, I found my mind demanding, almost screaming, I want to speak English! I want to speak English at a million miles per hour! "Bienvenidos a bordo?" Bordo? What kind of word is that? Get your own word instead of adding an "o" to the end of an English word. There is clearly fault in this reasoning, and it is difficult for me to write this thought only moments later. Dare I acknowledge it occurred? However, to deny it would make things even more difficult. I realized, this is culture shock. My head is so full of Spanish I can't think of anything else. Even as I write this, my brain flash to Spanish. Mi cabeza... llena con Espanol. Get out! Just let me think!
My eyes fill and I look out the bus window. I put on the most middle grinding beat of the Envy Corps and recline my head back towards the evening sky. I watch a man packing bags into the bus next door, and I think about how real and normal this is. It is easy for me to watch and understand. I look at the lettering on this bus as a point of fixation, and thought of how selfish it was for my friends and family to be so worried when I left. It's my easily harmed small body and mind shipped here. I was immediately not proud of this thought either. This day has been full of primal thoughts such as these.
As I keep listening to the Envy Corps, I feel at home. I never do life the easy way- this is what makes Peru and learning another language my home and a part of me.
Esta vida: vale la pena.
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